Stubborn Gratitude
Slam poet Andrea Gibson has a piece entitled “Things That Don’t Suck.” I was introduced to the piece through Julie Marie Wade, a friend and fantastic contemporary poet I love. She occasionally posts a list of “TTDS” (Things That Don’t Suck) on her Facebook wall, as a way to focus on, well, the things that didn’t suck when so much in the world seemed awful.
I have had a rough year. A major career pivot, which, while wonderful, is still stressful as I confront the identity shift that accompanied it, as well as everything there is to learn in my new role, and a significant lifestyle transition, going from the erratic schedule of an academic to the 9-5 (though more like 7-6) grind. Then contracting COVID after years of successfully avoiding it, and coming down with Long COVID because I wasn’t able to rest as I should have done.
Then, worst of all, my niece’s passing, which will remain the worst of the worst forever.
It has been difficult to remain optimistic, despite my Sagittarius nature, and I have faced deep depression. But, as I wrote in this post, I can’t seem to help but go on, so I took up Julie/Andrea’s practice of listing, every day, the Things That Don’t Suck.
It’s not quite a gratitude practice, but it functions in a similar way, and it has helped me. I started posting it in a friends-only Facebook group I’m in, and others noted that they looked forward to the list every day, and some even began to list their own daily TTDS in the comments.
Some days, I could only muster up a few things. Other days, the list was long and detailed, but I find the practice sustains me, and after awhile, I noticed I had developed the habit of looking for those TTDS in each day, which brought an awareness and openness to gratitude that has been a necessary shift.
I’ve started thinking of my TTDS practice as stubborn gratitude. I will carve out moments to notice those things that, despite everything, don’t suck, even for just a short while. I wasn’t sure things could get worse than 2019 when I had a life-changing accident and recovery, and had to euthanize two of my beloved pets unexpectedly. But then the pandemic hit. And then this year arrived.
That’s just life, though, isn’t it? But I’m stubborn, and I keep going, and I will angrily make my little TTDS lists, and they might just be a handful of pebbles, but after a few months, I’ve built a whole wall to hold back the tide.
So here are some Things That Don’t Suck from my week:
The glee in children’s faces handing out Halloween candy this week.
The crisp blue autumn sky just after sunrise
Seeing the sunrise every morning as I drive to work
The rolling Iowa hills after harvest
Listening to new music on my headphones
Listening to all of Ruth Ware’s novels during my commute
Making time for some crafting on the weekends
Discovering the hilarious and odd show What We Do in the Shadows
A visit from a dear friend and her son
Finding a way to implement systems that work with my neurodivergent brain, instead of forcing myself into systems not made for me
No promises, but I’d like to try to resume regular posting of this newsletter. I love it, and I’ve missed writing it. Thanks for being here.
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