You're Gonna Bomb
The final season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel debuted recently, and I’ve been rewatching the entire series in the background as I do other things, and in Season 1, episode 5, Midge, an aspiring comedian, bombs for the first time, after previously performing a handful of brief (and drunken) impromptu sets, and she asks her manager, Susie:
M: I bombed? But I’m funny.
S: You bombed. Everybody bombs.
M: But I’ve seen Rickles five times. He’s never bombed. The guys that go on Jack Paar, they never bomb.
S: Yeah, that’s ‘cause they spent years bombing and honing their act so you don’t see them bomb. They’ve bombed. Believe me.
M: Well, I’m not gonna bomb again.
S: No, you’re gonna bomb again and again and again and again.
M: Why would anyone do this if they’re just gonna bomb again and again and again and again?
S: Because it’s part of the process.
It’s part of the process. It’s so hard to remember that, even when you’ve been doing whatever it is you’re doing for several decades like I have. I think I falsely suspected that I’d reach a certain level of mastery and then the “bombing” days were over, but the truth is no matter how proficient one is, art is, in part, about making messes, and sometimes that means a piece falls flat.
I have complicated feelings about The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, but one thing I do love about it is how it showcases the creative process. Midge’s initial comedy successes happened when she was drunk or stoned, and she worries to Susie, “What if that’s the only reason I was funny?” The reason it feels easier to create when we’re intoxicated is because our inhibitions aka our inner critic is dampened. That doesn’t mean you have to create on substances, but it does mean that you need to find a way to silence that critic. I’ll let you know when I figure out how to reliably do that.
I’m struggling right now. The seasonal change is always rough on my chronic pain, flip-flopping between winter and spring, and we’re approaching the anniversary of my niece’s death. Grief is inescapable and devastating. It’s nearly impossible to focus on anything else when it gets so sharp like this.
It’s part of the process.